Top Ten {ish} – Who I Am and Why You Should Care

top ten {ish} who i am and why you should care

In another life, on another blog(don’t read it, it’s ugly and picture-less and spam link-ridden) that was felled by my own lack of motivation and then by a band of blood-thirsty hackers who desecrated every post with spam links for ordering illegally obtained Viagra on the internet or where to get low risk cash advances(spoiler – Fantasyland, right next door to Nevergonnahappentown and semi-adjacent to She’sjustnotthatintoyouville), I used to link up to a blog carnival called Top Ten Tuesday initially hosted by Oh Amanda and subsequently passed on to Angie from Many Little Blessings.  I fell hard for that carnival because it:

  1. Is fun to write lists
  2. Is easy to write lists.
  3. I am lazy.

Although I loved writing those posts and found the women posting there to be perfectly lovely, I was not really playing to the right crowd if you know what I’m saying.  There were a lot of mommy bloggers, an abundance of Christians and a proliferation of conservative thought and opinion.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But still.  Wrong crowd.

I am, after all, a bleeding-heart-totin’ liberal who gives two snaps up and a rainbow twist to Angelina and Brad FINALLY tying the damn knot, three-hundred and thirty-two kids and multiple vaginal rejuvenation surgeries later because HALLEFREAKLUJAH gay marriage is leags.  I also heart abortion choice( I can respect life and still want a choice, peeps) and enjoy long walks on an organic beach giving the whales their freedom and empowering them to be fully self-actualized and to follow their own bliss.  #VoteHillaryin2016.  #DoIt.  #IWill.  #YouShouldToo.  #ComeOnNowIMeanIt.  #AnybodyWantAPeanut

My point in that word jumble is to say, I honor you, previous or present Top Ten foremothers(Go visit them if that’s your crowd.  They’re awesome and they smell good too), but Imma do my own thing up in this joint.  Today my own thing is sharing with you what I plan to talk about in these her parts and what I hope to accomplish(world domination).

No.  Further.  Ado.

  • I love to read.  It’s currently encompassing the vast majority of my free time.  It will definitely be something I talk about here.  Leisure books, parenting books, comic books, kids books.  I want to dig in to all of them.  I have already met my goal of reading 100 books this year and am considering making a new goal of reading another 20.  But then there’s the whole lazy issue.  Quandry.  I’m on Goodreads and I love to see what other peeps are into so friend me if you love big books too.

 

  • I grew up in a commune/cult.  Not like a we-worship-the-devil-and-eat-babies kind of cult, but definitely restrictive, oppressive and not one I was happy to be involved with.  It was the foundation of my rebel-with-a-cause, defender-of-the-small mentality, the source of my extreme issues with food and the root of my fear of abandonment.  It also gave me the best friends anyone could ever ask for, a strong sense of empathy and an ability to see the world from a perspective outside the norm.  Or, you know, against the grain.

 

  • I am mentally ill.  I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Dysthymia, Eating Disorder NOS, Cocaine and Alcohol Abuse, Adjustment Disorder and Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia at one time or another throughout my life.  The first two have decided to stick around and keep me company for the rest of my days.  Jerks.

 

  • I love Cadbury mini eggs.  If you buy these for me I will be loyal to you for all my days and name my first-born grandchild after you, if I ever have a grandchild and can talk my son and his parenting partner into letting me name him or her.  Offer not valid in Panama, Kansas City, MO or a state of unrest.

 

  • I am part of a #fitfam.  My fristers(friend-sisters), our kids and I participate in 5K’s, have an upcoming 10K and are generally active together.  The camaraderie, the thrill of accomplishing goals and the example we’re showing our kids generates pride and joy in all of us.  Pushing ourselves to go farther, be stronger and to compete with the person we were the day before gives a sense of purpose and intention to our lives.  It’s also just good, old-fashioned fun to be a badass.  And it goes a long way to giving depression the ol’ beatdown.

 

  • I hate being a mom.  Being a mom is ridic hard.  My son is loud.  Like louder than you could imagine.  Like you think you know, but you could never know.  He never stops moving, talking, rolling, climbing, singing, dancing, ING, ING, ING.  All.  Day.  Long.  Mama Depresso over here has the energy equivalent of a semi-active sloth.  On a good day.  And then there’s whining.  And tantrums.  And no-saying.  There’s hitting.  And hearing you’re-the-worst-mom-ever-I-want-a-new-mom-I-hate-you.  And dawdling.  And not listening. There’s worry and fear and feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt and crushing guilt.  If you knew all that went into being a parent, you would run for your life and tell everyone else to do the same.  Or maybe that’s just me.  Oh substitute swear word, is it just me?

 

  •   I love being a mom.  All I really wanted to do as a grown-up(ha!) is to write and be a mom.  With 40 hot on my heels, it looked as though it would never happen.  But then it did!  And it was super awesome.  My baby and I were inseparable.  We played together, we ate together, we traveled together, we were never apart.  I love him more than anything else on the face of any of the planets(Cadbury mini eggs are a close second, let’s be real).  He’s funny and silly and smart and sweet and hilarious and weird and totally balls out awesome.  The joys and successes are heady stuff, equal to the best drugs I consumed in a former life.  The rare hugs(got one this morning, HOLLA) are better than a vault of Cadbury mini eggs AND a lapdance from Justin Timberlake.  And when they are asleep or are off at school they are absolutely the cutest, sweetest and best children anyone could imagine.

 

  • I am a geek.  All that really means is you really, really love something so much that you want to think about it, talk about it, write about it, do it all the time with serious and true glee.  Like the marvelously hilarious and talented geek Simon Pegg said, “Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”  My geekiness surrounds, but is not limited too, teevee, Doctor Who, Buffy, BSG, books, science fiction, comics, pop culture and Pinterest.  I have friends who are scrapbooking geeks, gardeing geeks, music geeks, cooking geeks.  I bet you have some geek in you too.

 

  • I am at a pretty good place with my relationship with food.  I have struggled from age 12 with what food means, stands for, stands in for and should be.  I’m currently to the place of eat what you really, truly want and love when you really, truly want it and the rest of the time feed your body delicious things to make it function better.  I live the Weight Watchers lifestyle, sort of an 80/20 thang.  I eat Cadbury mini eggs every day when I can get them, but I only eat one serving.  If I want a slice of pizza(or three, let’s be real) or a piece of cake or half a Cinnastack at IHOP, I’m eating it.  But I’m also making cheesy quinoa cakes and a big ol’ mess of veggies scrambled up in some egg whites or a crockpot brimming with veggie chili.  More veggies and whole grains = more natural fiber = more poop = true happiness.  What I’m saying is, all you need is poop.

 

  • I live in the ish.  I explained it a bit before and it seemed to resonate in some peeps, which made me feel less alone and more yay, let’s be friends forever!  The ish translates to every corner of my life and I can see more shades of gray with each passing year.  Every kid, every person, every situation, every experience is different and is worthy and deserving of being judged and reacted to on it’s own merit.  The way you choose to parent is different from, yet equal to the way I choose to parent.  The way you choose to eat, live, exercise, be is 100% valid.  And so is mine.  If we can all just get that down and support each other in finding, and living, our own choices, the world is gonna be irie.

If anyone in Blogland, or at home, wants to play along, I super industrial robot heart comrades in the game.  The rules are – there are no rules.  Except no white after Labor Day.  Let’s get real.  Give me your top ten list or link to your post in the comments.  I want to know about Y-O-U and your journey in the ish.

joules

I’m a 44 something Scorpio who does not at all enjoy getting caught in the rain. I’m a mom to one whirling dervish, a former child and family therapist and reformed social worker. I have fought the monsters called Depression and Addiction for a lifetime. I want to be a part of the kindness movement. I want to be honest and real, sharing my struggles and successes on my path with others navigating their own. I want to lift up other women and be uplifted by them. I want to honor the bits between right and wrong, black and white – the grays, the ish. The place where life is actually lived.

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joules

67 Posts | Member since 2012-08-17
I’m a 44 something Scorpio who does not at all enjoy getting caught in the rain. I’m a mom to one whirling dervish, a former child and family therapist and reformed social worker. I have fought the monsters called Depression and Addiction for a lifetime. I want to be a part of the kindness movement. I want to be honest and real, sharing my struggles and successes on my path with others navigating their own. I want to lift up other women and be uplifted by them. I want to honor the bits between right and wrong, black and white – the grays, the ish. The place where life is actually lived.

  4 comments for “Top Ten {ish} – Who I Am and Why You Should Care

  1. September 17, 2014 at 2:05 am

    Oh I just love who you are even though we have never met! I really feel you and your awesomeness coming through in this new blog. Its real, its honest and I just love it! xxx
    sian recently posted…It hurts and it is good.My Profile

    • September 17, 2014 at 12:23 pm

      The feeling is super mutual, girl:) I foresee a cup of coffee and an afternoon at the park with the boys in our future someday. I mean, you have to visit your bro in Seattle someday, right?

      • September 18, 2014 at 2:37 am

        Yes when I can face the journey with my two boys I’m coming and I would LOVE to see you!
        sian recently posted…It hurts and it is good.My Profile

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