Blogging ain’t what it used to be. Even way back in aught nine when I started, it was too late for what I wanted it to be. I’m typically an early adopter, but that’s slipping away from me as I grow older and more calcified and as the form of entertainment and culture continues to morph and transform like a jelly blob in a lava lamp.
I was lucky enough to find a tribe for a while and then winnow it down to a few awesome peeps that I can manage to stay mostly in contact with. Those early days of the tribe were such a high. Emails stacked up in my inbox. Everyone had an opinion, a word of encouragement, a joke. Someone was up and available at any hour, day or night. It was exactly what I had been looking for when I started my blog – a community.
Everyone who volunteered there wanted to make the world a better place, wanted to help people share their most painful experiences to exorcise those demons and let them go and to point bright, shiny lights in those deep, dark corners that we avoid and ignore. I felt deeply, as a therapist and a general life survivor, that this was an important service and something that I could feel good about supporting and contributing to. A lot of us felt that way.
Until, as the number of volunteers began to skyrocket, the thing became muddled and complicated. We may not need a hundred plus volunteers, but we have them. Find a place for them, a thing for them to do. So we all did things. They appeared to be important and relevant and then, they didn’t. Somewhere along the way it turned into a frenzy of work that seemed directionless, a platform from which to parlay a career of some sort, a cult. Volunteers quietly slipped away at a consistent, then rapid, pace.
The internet can be many things, but one thing that most of us have at least daydreamed about is making a living from it. My name is Sally McNally and I make the most fantastic perfume for emus in all the lands. Let me share my gift with the world for a modest price. And then every single emu-loving weirdo comes out of the woodwork and makes Sally a bundle for doing what she loves. Yay internets!
But this wasn’t that. This didn’t require big numbers or board members or eight zillion resources pages on every topic relating to life’s shittiest tragedies. This was a thing that should have stayed a small and dependable thing, where people who were holding on to bad stuff could pop the zit and let the ick go. It should have been like the hallowed halls of AA, point you in the direction, give you some guidelines, give you a high five and a fist bump and leave the rest up to you.
But it wasn’t. There was resistance to differing opinions, attribution issues, uncredited work, manipulation and pressure to provide submissions. All that and an unstable, magnetically manipulative, cultish leader and I’m out. It was sad and hard and lonely to say goodbye to the friendly chatter that helped fill my isolated, stay at home mom blues. But I quickly realized that many of those peeps were still around in various ways. One became a homie for life, someone who makes my life, and the world, a better place to lay around and inhale peanut butter M&M’s in. Others are people that I love and admire and communicate in various ways, mostly around the Nets of Inter, occasionally in the 3 dimensional world.
The point of this post was meant to be, blogging ain’t what it used to be. Why in my day, we had to walk five miles through the pouring rain and a lightning storm to get to the wifis. All virtual, obvs.
I just miss it. I miss writing words that became a conversation between something other than the left and right hemispheres of my brain. I miss commenting on blogs where back and forth could be expected. Blogs now all have things that pop up at you to get you to sign up for other things and make scrolling down to the content not worth it to the gogo generation. Or to me.
I still have things I want to say, but now I’m mostly back to saying to myself inside my head. Which is not the greatest, when applied too often. Maybe i’ll write more again, maybe not. However things shake out, I miss it and you.