I recently found an Instagram for a blogger who cooks super healthful and delicious looking vegetarian food. Of course I jumped right over to add her blog to my Feedly. The first post I read was about how she had reached her goal weight by eating healthfully and exercising. Yay for her!! So awesome!!!
Then I read her stats and her statement about how she obviously could not have been happy with her body at her starting weight. Now, I’m sure she felt that uncomfortable feeling of ick at that weight and I completely understand and identify with that feeling. But her start weight was only 8 pounds more than my goal weight, even though I am 2 inches taller than her. Ou. Ch.
What I heard is, that weight is disgusting and everyone knows that you could never feel okay about weighing that much. She may not have intended that. In fact I am 99.9% certain that she did not. But that’s what I took from it. So I unfollowed the blog. Not in a so-there-skinny-food-bitch kind of way. Just in a hey, what’s good for the goose is not always good for another, differently-minded goose way. I still follow her Insta because her recipes look dope and I have been inspired by her to start cooking healthy food again.
I want to choose to read/watch/otherwise consume information and entertainment that inspire, motivate and lift me up on this journey and anything that doesn’t I’m releasing. That also means I unfollowed a popular body positive organization on Insta because:
- They have multiple people posting and my feed was overwhelmed by that particular message
- The idea of beautiful at every size being broadcast by too many models(plus-size or otherwise) gets a bit hard to stomach. You may be plus-sized, but you’re a goddamn gorgeous beauty queen who gets paid for her looks. Gorgeous is still gorgeous.
- I don’t agree with the message of health at any size. Women can be healthy at most sizes, but I have been hospitalized alongside women who were so thin, they grew hair on their backs as their bodies attempted to compensate for its inability to moderate body temperature. I have also been there alongside women who were morbidly obese. Overweight, obese or fat women can be beautiful. I know so many women that are. But, obese women are not healthy. The two do not go together in any case. The strain of the weight on the joints and muscles, on the heart and the arteries. Heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, cancer, gallbladder issues, stroke, breathing issues. Dudes, c’mon. You know that list. It does go on.
There is a lot of rationalization going on in the body acceptance world. And while I whole-ass believe that people should love and accept themselves wherever they are right then, I also believe that we should all be trying to challenge ourselves to grow and be more than we were today. In all the ways, not just that of physical health. People look cool when they smoke sometimes, but cigarettes are still the devil and will blacken your insides and make you die until you’re dead. My aunt died of lung cancer and it is not like Stepmom where the dead chick fades away after having all her perfect good bye moments and putting her family’s world in order. It’s ugly and humiliating and there are strings left everywhere that will always pull sharply at the tender bits of those that were left behind. DON’T FUCKING SMOKE, DUMBASS.
Filling your guts with non-foods or too much food can do much of the same. Not moving your body on the reg can have disastrous effects in later life. Take it from this former drug/alcohol/food/starvation addict with lifelong persuasive depression who lived a largely horizontal life in her younger years. (In front of the tv, weirdos) (although I would have taken it there too if I were you. Let’s be real) Sciatica hurts. Lower back pain is a drag. Knees are required for use even after the age of 40. They will react better to this use if you are moving them from an early age.
I find myself drawn more and more to women in the self-love(not that kind, you pervs)(although that’s cool too) body positive movement. I adore Katie from Healthy is the New Skinny and Honor Curves. My friend Jessie from Fit Foodie Mommy started a blog and she is a whirling dervish of awesomeness, positivity and health advice and tricks. Skinnytaste is my very favorite choice always for recipes. Her food is amazing, has low Weight Watchers point values and uses healthy ingredients.
I started on this clean eating journey a few weeks ago because the donuts became a little too plentiful and the bread, good lord, there was bread. I was literally feeling uncomfortable in my skin. Like, the actual definition of literally. My skin felt the expansion and it was not pleasant. My clothes started to look and fit worse. My energy level and mood dropped dramatically. Something had to change. I tried Weight Watchers, my gold standard. But this time, I just couldn’t pull it together to stick with it. I couldn’t even find the switch, much less flip it.
My friend recommended a cleanse. We all know how I feel about those. I said I wanted something drastic that didn’t involve starving myself. My addictive tendencies have been known to saunter down the restrictive aisle as well as that of indulgence and please and thankee sai to the sweet lady internet, I don’t need to stir up any more issues right now. So, she suggested clean eating. Ok, I’m thinking. Less sugar, less bread, one week, cool cool.
Turns out you can’t flip the switch. You just have to start out in some direction and hope whoever or whatever flips it for you. So far, so good. But I’m all 85/15 up in this bitch. You know I’m not giving up my eggs. Those of the Cadbury persuasion. But I will eat only one serving a day. The better to last me until December. Or hopefully November as all of my true friends will have purchased bags to gift me on my birthday. We’ll see how many of those I really have. So, I’ll eat pizza or crepes or whatever the hell I damn well please, but I’m working on making those splurges count by eating only the really good shit that I truly want.
Want to check it out? 100 days of real food is a kickass clean eating blog, where you can get all kinds of information and tips for eating real food and will not be reported to DHS should you dare serve your child a non-organic strawberry or eat a daily serving of vitamin mini eggs. Start here.