Spoiler alert: it’s not me.
Or it is.
I’m not really sure and don’t really feel that I can be held accountable for my decisions, thoughts or actions at this point in my life. I certainly cannot be depended upon to:
- hold to a schedule
- say things and then follow through with them
- shower on a regular basis
- eat less cheese
What point in my life is that, you ask?
I’m in the pointy point. The bumpy part. The rough patch. The crusty-ass bit.
Otherwise known as DUN DUN DUN –
What? I’m forty-what-now?
Huh? That would put me at ninety-who’s-it?
Average life expectancy is how-you-say?
Pshaw. I’m gonna live forever. At least according to my seven year old who uses every precious birthday/starlight/11:11 wish that all his family will live forever. (Heart: cracked right in two on the floor like a love filled coconut with that bit o sweetness.)
Ok, so probs not forever, but for at least a few hundo years, right? I watch Futurama, I know what’s in store for my cranium. Which means I’m actually more like an adolescent. Which also makes sense because of the intense emotional swing thing, the desire to decorate my face like a Vaudevillian rockstar and the YouTube and Snapchat obseshes.
Call it the big MLC or 2nd adolescence. The point in this flow is that it’s here. I feel it. I’ve been feeling it for several years now. And I’m ready for it to stop consuming my reality and piss off until I’m done with the whole mortal coil dealie.
Research tells me I need to:
A. Change careers
B. Buy a Maserati
C. Have an affair
D. Cut off all my hair
E. Get a tattoo
My response to that is:
A-E. Suck a dick, research.
What I believe I need to do is the same old shit I’ve been trying to do on the internet since the yesteryear of 2009:
CONNECT WITH YOU MOFOS.
By mofos I mean you crazy and amazing dirt angels who make continuing to input air into these beat-down tires a worthwhile endeavor. I mean the like-mindeds who pulse and erupt with passion, compassion and every other kind of -assion.
I mean, like, YOU MOFOS.
Nutshelling it: I heart you big time and want to make sweet internet support/humor/real talk with you in a mutually safe and beneficial way. I’d like to think I could do it here in Blogland again because I am so comfortable being the wiz behind the screen instead of the doofus in front of the camera, but YouTube is a possibility as I have been loving the community over there. I’m also on Insta and am wonderish on Snapchat.
To use a smaller, more withered and diminished nutshell:
Let’s be friends, okay?
PS, my safe word is honeydew.