I mean, you knew this one. Right? Jenny is bae. Mentally ill, often inappropriate, always hilar, made out of solid kindness and probably the essence of unicorn. If you don’t read this and love this and feel empowered or understood or edumacated by this, you are Hitler. Go get this book right now because nobody wants to be Hitler. Trigger warning: intensely funny humor inside may cause pants peeing. All those who experience urinary release upon the expulsion of laughter should be prepared with Depends(NOT a sponsor) and a new set of pants. Or you could not wear pants and read this book on the toilet. But probably don’t lend out the book after if you do. We are exposed to so much fecal matter every day, a body can only handle so much. Jeez. Buy the book. K thx byyyye.
You should be listening to – Uke-ing in the City by Bugginword
And whatever else this goddamn ‘Murican treasure perpatrates through stringed instrument or words on the page. Yes, ladies and germy gents, MOTHERFUCKING BOOZE TIME is back, so drink up.
You should be watching – Whatever you damn well please now that shows are finally starting to trickle in.
I’m not feeling the teevee as much as I have in days gone by, but so far I have watched The Mindy Project, Fresh Off the Boat and Empire. Planning on watching Grey’s tonight as we cord cutters have to watch shows the day after they air like damn animals. Also, really looking for to Blackish. Have you met Tracee Ellis Ross? She is bae. The whole damn teevee fam is bae.
I change my answer, watch Blackish. Do it now or you are a total racist. Nah, jk. You’re already a racist, you just don’t understand subtext, micro aggression or the privileges of your particular race enough to know it. Mwahs!
You should be eating – Less, mofo!
You thought I was going to say pumpkin, didn’t you? Let’s be real. Pumpkin can suck a dick. Not literally. Don’t run out and buy a pumpkin, light some candles and expect some action. Pumpkins are people too. They need some effort up front. Maybe. Idk. Pumpkins are cool though. I like them in a hearty veggie chili, in a Thanksgiving lust cake(it’s real, I make it every year(still no dick sucking, though(sorry duder))) and in snickerdoodles.
Sorry if I sound
underfed hostile, I am currently on Beachbody’s 21 Day Fix. I actually have plenty of food to eat on this plan, just not five times the recommended daily allowance of bread, cheese and Cadbury mini eggs as my body demands. Eat what makes you happy, just make sure you enjoy every morsel.
You should be streaming – Pramface
I mean, why not? You’ve already streamed everything else. It’s a British comedy about a teenaged boy who knocks up a slightly older teenaged girl. Unwillingly occupied uteri always make for raucous comedy. It’s cute, I like it. All of the characters are cooking with gas (I just Thesaurus’d(new word!(man, I am cooking with gas today)) the word pleasant and cooking with gas was a suggestion(other suggestions included hunky dory, peachy keen, tolerable and unobjectionable, all of which this show is in spades!)).
Just watch it. If you hate it, you’re out 29 minutes and have the right to verbally spit in my digital eye. Also, the main dude kid looks like a young British version of Pacey. Remember I said a British version. No one but Pacey will ever be Pacey. PACEY 4 EVA.
You should be supporting – the Global Goals
Listen to the pretty, famous people.
I’m for all these goals, I’d like to meet the doucheticket who isn’t. But #1 is my particular goal. Which is yours? Share on social media, #GlobalGoals